Month: July 2019

‘F’ Bomb Dropped, Pardon My French Will Suffice?

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 31, 2019
3 minutes

‘F’ Bomb Dropped, Pardon My French Will Suffice?

What you say in front of your child matters and if you don’t mind your language, then they can often mind it for you!

 

The F-Bomb Had Been Dropped And The Cake Was Just Served

My 4-year-old child had just dropped the F-Bomb. “F**k Off” The silence was deafening. I did not know what to do or where to look. I’d have coped, quite honestly, if I had been in a room with some old friends, but I was having a tea and cake date with a new mummy friend and her child. She had gone to the trouble of making a vegan cake, with a side of non-dairy whipped cream and along with her child was dressed beautifully. My house was immaculate, and I’d put my lipstick on. We were not at all at the level of friendship where it’s ok if you have baby sick on your shirt and your kid is covered in snot. It was the beginning of a new romance, and best efforts were being made.

It Was Game Over After The ‘F’ Bomb

She was winning, and I was very definitely losing. As I went into scolding mummy mode (“What did you just say? Where did you hear that word?”) and my new mummy friend went into polite British person mode (“It’s ok; honestly, it’s fine.”) the cake and tea were forgotten, and our date quickly broke up. They left. We exchanged texts where I apologised again, and she said everything was fine…again. It wasn’t. I have not seen her since. We had been frozen out.

The Hunt For Answers

When something like this happens, you need to reconcile it. The first questions:

  • Where did he hear the swear word from?
  • Did he know what it even meant?

The answers were that he had not heard it from hubby and me, but from our teenage son. There was relief that it wasn’t directly our fault, but equally, a frustration that through closed doors, my 17-year-old was swearing on the phone with friends and had dropped the F-Bomb. The action from that was to educate the 17-year-old.

It’s A Bad Word And Bad Timing

Of course, my little boy did not know what he was saying – he was repeating. I simply wished he’d chosen a different time to do it, like when we were all alone in a messy house with no-one to impress.  My approach was to gently tell him that the word was a bad word that some grown-ups use – but that they shouldn’t. I told him never to repeat it, and that was the end of it.

It Wasn’t To Be

The fallout with the new mummy friend wasn’t particularly upsetting but filled me with curiosity. Why couldn’t she understand that he was only 4-years-old? I knew that she knew me well enough to know that I was not the kind of mother to casually swear in front of the kids. It bothered me that she wasn’t open-minded, but I resolved that my child would probably have done something else, further down the line, that would equally have offended such as not correctly sharing toys, rugby tackling her kids or telling her that the vegan cake was disgusting. Some relationships are just not meant to be!

Kids Have A Talent For Recalling Things Like The ‘F’ Bomb

Having reconciled ‘F-Bomb-gate’, I have concluded that all kids have a much higher ability to pick up on conversations than we give them credit for. They can drop you in it time over time (telling the teacher how much you love wine) and more often than not, it’s pretty amusing. They have a brilliant capacity to remember and recall and thank goodness they do. When my son started accurately singing Blondie songs in the bath, I was very proud indeed!

Do As I Say And Not As I Do

It is not, however, pleasant or socially acceptable to hear small people swear or drop the F-Bomb and so, as adults, we must try our best to set a good example. I heard, recently, on Radio 5 a debate on this very subject and the overriding consensus was that kids know that adults swear, but they also know that they are not allowed to repeat those words. It’s a case of ‘do as I say and not as I do.’

A Balanced Approach To Swearing

If ever you find yourself in the middle of an F-Bomb drama, remember that it will never be the child’s fault. Most adults swear and most kids over-hear. Be kind to all concerned, forgive, create a policy for the future and move on. If everyone concerned is not as reasonable as you then also remember, you don’t need friends who judge or criticise. Parenting is already hard enough!

Pregnant In My Forties. I Couldnt Believe It.

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 26, 2019
4 minutes

Pregnant In My Forties. I Couldnt Believe It.

Pregnancy after forty can sometimes be difficult, complicated and frowned upon but more often than not it is a joyful and beautiful experience.

Pregnant In My Forties, And I Was Smiling Again?

Positive. Unbelievable. It couldn’t be right. I did another test and, yes, still positive. I was pregnant. It’s stupid to think “how could this happen?” because we all know how it happens, but that was my prevailing thought. I could not believe it, without trying, I was pregnant in my forties. I already had a 14 and 12-year-old at home, and I had no plans whatsoever to have any more children. It never occurred to me to consider abortion. Not once. Weirdly, at that moment and all alone, I found myself smiling. Who knows why? It was going to be chaos and throw all our lives into total disarray, but I was surprisingly happy. I focused on how I would tell my hubby (who also had two adult kids of his own). He was 47 at the time, and I knew this news would be a huge shock. I was right! He took it well and never raised the question of abortion either, although upon hearing the news, he blanched more than a little.

The Three Musketeers Always Had A Fourth Musketeer 

Telling my kids was considerably harder. They both cried. Understandable when you think that life had just been the three of us until fairly recently and suddenly everything was changing. We had always called ourselves ‘The Three Musketeers’ and adding a new baby into the mix (on top of a new hubby) threw forth feelings of jealousy, hurt and a genuine disgust that their mother was pregnant in her forties.

From Life-Changing Job to Simply Life Changing

I had always loved being pregnant, and this pregnancy was just as beautiful.  Feeling healthy, glowing and contented was something I looked forward to during this period.  However, I did have to undergo more tests than I did in my twenties and I admit to feeling a little weird hanging out in the maternity department, as I was conscious of my older age, but apart from that my experience of pregnancy was just the same as it had been all those years before. I was excited at the prospect of being a mum to a newborn again, even if it had meant turning down the fabulous new, life-changing job I had just landed.

I Thought Being Pregnant In My Forties Was The Issue

At 32 weeks pregnant, however, my waters broke and so began the tough part. I gave birth to a beautiful (and very tiny) baby boy at 33 weeks, and we proceeded to spend the next month in the Special Care Baby Unit. He was fine, just too small. It transpired that the premature birth had nothing to do with me being pregnant in my forties, but everything to do with having contracted Group Strep B, a bacterial infection (that luckily had not carried over to the baby).

Pregnant In My Forties Has Helped Bring The Family Closer

Having a baby born too soon is tough, and it was incredibly hard to manage that first month in the hospital with two other children at home. However, the big kids adjusted superbly and fell in love with this beautiful new addition to our family, going on to become extremely capable, helpful and caring older siblings. The love they all share is immense. Hubby and I adored being new parents again, and our lives were full of happiness.

Perhaps There Should Have Been Five Musketeers Anyways

Positive. It couldn’t be right. I did another test and, yes, still positive. I was pregnant in my forties…again! Within six months of giving birth, I was expecting another. I was now 42. My mother was horrified, the kids were aghast, and our friends were shocked. Hubby and I were delighted. We wanted a sibling for our baby boy, and given my age, we decided to crack on quickly. This pregnancy was much tougher as I was totally exhausted and still healing from an emergency c-section. The sheer happiness at creating this new, little family carried me through the tough moments, and this time, the pregnancy went to full-term. We met our son (not so tiny!) after a planned C-section, and he was perfect. I was 43, and his daddy was 49. It felt crazy and beautiful all at the same time.

I’m Not Going to Sugar Coat It, Being Pregnant In My Forties Was Tough

Fast forward to 2019, and our boys are almost 4 and 5-years-old. My daughter is 19 and has flown the nest and that 12-year-old boy has grown into a 6-foot 5-inch 17-year-old. Being pregnant in my forties was not the hardest part; the difference came afterwards. I did not bounce back from the births as quickly, and I did not manage the tiredness of having babies and toddlers as easily. Juggling teenagers at the same time added to the overwhelming fatigue and much of the last five years has been a roller-coaster of joy and physical exhaustion!

Wouldnt Change It For The World

At the age of 46, I consider myself supremely lucky to have had this opportunity. I never planned for it, but I am immensely grateful that life gave us these beautiful boys despite the challenges of being pregnant in my forties. Our lives are very much richer for it. However, if life surprised us one more time, I know my body could not cope and I would never want to be mistaken for the child’s grandmother! There comes a time when we have to graciously hang up our hat. I have accepted that some experiences are no longer ours to have, and instead look forward to new ones. Hubby’s kids will soon be bringing us babies of their own, and so the circle of life continues…but without the sleepless nights!

Travelling with Kids – How To Make the Most of Airports

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 26, 2019
3 minutes

Travelling with Kids – How To Make the Most of Airports

You are excited about travelling, but a tad nervous because you have never flown with kids before. Take a deep breath and go with the flow.

Summer holidays have arrived. The sun is shining, the kids have 6 weeks off school. Life-long memories are to be had as you are about to embark for your first family holiday abroad.

Excitement from parents and the kids inevitably builds – but so can a sense of anxiety at the thought of going through an often-overwhelming environment such as an airport when you are travelling with kids.

For a stress-free airport experience (not 100% stress-free because kids are kids), good organisation is key.

Bag Planning Is Vital When Travelling With Kids

If you are staying overnight in a hotel airport, it is worth researching whether you can check your bags in the night before. This will free up some valuable hands and conserve energy. For hand luggage, it is wise to distribute every-day items in to separate bags incase one is lost. Due to security restrictions in place, you are only permitted to pack enough baby-milk for the journey, the remainder needs to go in the hold luggage.

If you are arriving at the airport on the day, save time by taking advantage of valet parking. This will take away the stresses of navigating through an often very confusing airport-car park.

Using Family Areas When Travelling With Kids

Gatwick Airport is the UK’s first accredited family-friendly airport. The aim is to make the experience for family’s travelling with kids as easy and fun as possible. Dedicated family lanes are in place here where there is more room for pushchairs and less queuing (hopefully).

Most UK airports have Kids zones to allow your little ones to do what they do best – play. These are free of charge and can provide you with a little respite on your airport journey.

Most UK airports are packed to the rim with restaurants and food outlets. Navigating around these with kids and pushchairs during busy times can be a pain, but once you find a suitable place to eat, it can be a great moment to discuss the holiday with the kids and to get their feelings on how excited they are.

Kids Will Still Be Kids, Even When You Are Travelling

Kids are unpredictable, particularly when you are travelling with them. Understatement of the year, there. With this in mind, think about packing a ‘bag of surprises’ for when you are presented with potentially challenging situations. The contents can offer a chance to diffuse the situation and for everyone to calm down. Stressed parents can often mean stressed out kids.

Time To Depart

If you are taking a pushchair while travelling with the kids, you can keep hold of this right up to your departing gate, where a member of staff will place it in the hold of the aircraft. You can request this directly after leaving the plane upon arrival, or it can be collected along with all the other hold luggage at the arrival belts.

Families with young children are often boarded on to the plane first. But this is not always a good idea in practice. Being cooped up in a plane longer than necessary may fill you with dread, so if it suits you to hold back until last, go for it. There’s no law here.

Emergency bag. Pack a few extra sets of clothes and nappies for the kids in case the worst happens, and your hold luggage is lost or stolen.

And off you go, enjoy your holiday travelling with the kids!

If you enjoyed this article, please read our kids travel article from a mum’s perspective: Essential Tips for Travelling with Kids.

Parent Work-Life Balance Can Be Achieved

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 19, 2019
3 minutes

Parent Work-Life Balance Can Be Achieved

Parents of all ages are in search of that perfect work-life balance. A utopia where juggling your career with your home life to achieve happiness. But where do we begin?

 

It is a good idea to start by asking yourself what YOU require. Not what an employer wants, or a friend has. WHAT. DO. I. NEED. TO MAKE. THIS. HAPPEN?

Put In A Flexible Working Request To Improve Your Parent Work-Life Balance

During the midst of parenting, you often realise that your kids will not be young forever. There will come a time where they will pick their friends over you. And this can be tough to deal with as a parent. For you, it may be important to be around more than you currently find yourself, because in the blink of an eye they will be off backpacking around the world. Tell yourself what would work perfectly for you and your family. Maybe you wish to do the school-runs in the morning so your partner can get to work earlier. Or maybe you want to be at home earlier in order to eat as a family and put your children to bed. Lay the foundations by meeting with your employer to discuss what could be supported for you to achieve a more healthy work-life balance as a parent. You have a legal working right to request flexible working. And they are legally obliged to listen to this request. Maybe see whether you can start or finish earlier; how about working from home so you can pick them up from nursery, pre-school or school? Other options include condensed working hours, part-time working or just an employer’s ability to remain flexible to your needs.

Create A ‘Date Jar’ With Your Partner

You are still a couple and love one another. You are both the reason your kid(s) are here. The partnership should not stop just because you are now parents. Yes, things will change, but instead, think of your relationship as evolving, and as such work-life balance needs to be adjusted accordingly. A good idea is to think of past dates you have been on together and future ones you would like to try out. Write them down without the other partner seeing and pop them in a jar. Then once every month or 2 — or whenever you see fit, pick one from the jar and make it happen. Little or big. You both deserve it. If you are lucky enough to have a good support network around you, do not feel guilty about asking for a babysitter. Everyone will benefit — both parents get to spend some quality time together; your kids are looked after by somebody you trust, and friends or family get the joy of bonding with your children. If you are struggling for a babysitter or are a single parent, there are specialist childcare agencies who appoint ad-hoc babysitters for you.

Make Time For Yourself To Achieve a Parent Work-Life Balance

Ok, maybe not straight after the birth. Ignore the first couple months. They are a washout. But don’t let this become the norm. It will be easy and unwise to just carry on neglecting yourself as a human. Your well-being is directly linked to the well-being of your kids. Making time exclusively for yourself is one of the best things you can do in this pursuit of a work-life balance. It is not selfish to think of yourself every so often, remember you are more than just a parent. Re-connect with friends for a catch-up, read that sci-fi book you keep meaning to read; write a poem. Anything you used to enjoy pre-parenthood, see whether you can dedicate a little time for this per week or month.

Create Realistic Expectations On Yourself And Your Family

Things may not go according to plan at times. Life happens. Your house resembles a tip. The bathroom was not cleaned because the food shop arrived late. You forgot to wash the school uniform. The eldest refuses to put their shoes on at the 36th time of asking. You get the picture. Accepting that when it comes to parenting, it can get extremely overwhelming and chaotic. It is a good idea therefore to slightly adjust your mindset. Set small realistic goals for the day/week or month knowing that these will be achieved. And if they are not, relax, go and make yourself a coffee. If the washing up has not been done. Don’t fret. Do it when the kids are in bed. Ignore the mess. Create more if you like. Attacking the chaos and pandemonium with a relaxed attitude may stand you in good stead at realising that things are going just fine. And you are doing a really good job.

If you enjoyed this article, please read our article on work-life balance from a mother’s perspective: Can you really have a work/life balance as a parent?

Shared Parental Leave – Adjusting To Fatherhood Takes Time

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 12, 2019
3 minutes

Shared Parental Leave – Adjusting To Fatherhood Takes Time

It was a relief to see the UK government acknowledging the importance of fathers in a new-born’s life by introducing Shared Parental Leave in 2015

Two Weeks Is Not Enough

Two weeks. That was all I had with my first born. Two weeks. Then back to work I went, as if nothing had ever happened.

But things did happen. I was a father for the first time. Like my wife, I had to adjust to becoming a parent.  The abrupt change to sleep patterns; the intense focus on the baby; feeding; changing; cradling; comforting and everything in-between – including a merry-go-round of emotions. And yet at the time I was only entitled to two weeks paternity leave. No time at all, considering half of this time was spent at the hospital.

My wife was recovering from a caesarean section and I was faced with leaving our house for work. How could I? We as a family were not ready for one of us to head back to work.

For me there was no extra entitled paid leave on offer, nor was the recently introduced Shared Parental Leave scheme; so off I trudged. Parent guilt begun.

Six Months Off For Shared Parent Leave – Really?

For our second, I wanted longer with my baby, so I decided to use an extra two weeks of my annual holiday entitlement – a holiday it most surely wasn’t. But it was two weeks which was required in order to bond with my baby and support my wife in her second c-section recovery.

I had one month off. Which helped us as a family unit tremendously. But what about having up to six months off? Shared Parental Leave was introduced in April 2015 by the UK government to encourage a more gender equal view on parenting in the workplace. Too often new mums have been forced to choose between baby or career and fathers expected to return to work as soon as possible. It can only be a positive thing by creating a society where mothers and fathers are viewed as equal in the upbringing of their children and in the workplace arena.

Every family has a unique set of circumstances, so this idea would’ve provided my family with an option to support one another more effectively during those early months. Unfortunately, I missed out on this initiative by a few years.

Sad To See A Low % Of New Fathers Taking It Up

Sadly only 2% of fathers are taking up this relatively new Shared Parental Leave scheme. But why? Reports suggest it is simply un-affordable. Both parents are eligible to share up to 50 weeks of parental leave – 37 weeks are paid at £139.58 per week or 90% of your average weekly earnings, whichever is lower. Is it any wonder such a low % is taking this up?

Another reason is the simple fact that employers are not promoting the scheme to new fathers as well as they should. And instead fathers are just assuming that the traditional two weeks is all they are entitled to. And baby’s and families are missing out on priceless time together. There is clearly room for improvement for the scheme to evolve further; only time will tell whether more fathers will take this up.

Every father has a different outlook on fatherhood, but for me personally it was vital to be physically and emotionally present during those first few weeks and months. I wanted to bond, help my wife in her recovery,change those nappy’s and see her first smile.

My employers at the time respected this and accepted a flexible working request from myself. This meant my hours were altered to allow me to be at home with my family more.

My advice to new fathers is to speak with your HR department well in advance of the due-date to discuss your options as a father. You may be surprised at what is on offer, particularly in light of this new Shared Parental scheme being introduced by the government.

Helicopter Parenting, Guilty As Charged

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 11, 2019
3 minutes

Helicopter Parenting, Guilty As Charged

I may just be a tad guilty of having been an over-protective parent. I never realised that focusing on your child has an official term – but it does, and it’s called Helicopter Parenting.

 

Hovering Over The Kids

Helicopter Parenting – so named to describe parents that hover over their kids.  This term was first coined in 1969 and entered the dictionary in 2011. In essence, if you over-parent, over-control and/or try to over-protect your child, then you are a helicopter parent. I’m guessing that the hundreds of times I’ve delivered ‘left at home’ homework into school constitutes over-parenting!

The Helicopter Might Be Part Of Your Parenting Style

As with everything in life, there are parenting style extremes. Full-on helicopter parenting is typically not executed by most parents. Instead, aspects of helicopter parenting can sneak unawares into our everyday routines.  It’s a good idea to be aware of the signs so we can quickly course correct. None of us gets this parenting business 100% spot on, and that’s ok. No need to beat ourselves up but rather to be aware of the issue and how we can rein ourselves in if we start displaying some of the characteristics of over-parenting.

Taking that forgotten reading book into school, making your 12-year-old’s bed, not allowing your kids to climb trees, sorting out their playground squabbles and doing their homework are all signs of being over-protective and hovering a little too much. Controlling your child’s friendship groups, their downtime and their environment are also classic signs. Child psychologists advocate letting our children fall (physically and metaphorically), fail and experience some of life’s difficulties, so they become strong, confident and well-adjusted teenagers and adults.

The Triggers

We often show signs of hovering or helicopter parenting because we, ourselves, have some issues we may need to deal with. Some of the trigger points that can cause us to over-protect our little ones are:

  • Peer pressure – keeping up/emulating what other parents do or appear to do (and often assuming that they are correct!)
  • Anxiety – feeling troubled as a parent can be transferred to our children, and can lead to over-protecting them to soothe ourselves
  • Fear – linked to anxiety. If we project our concerns (which can be exaggerated and distorted) onto our child, then we prevent them from falling and failing
  • Over-compensation – if our child has experienced upset/trauma/ill-health then we can overcompensate by hovering over our child and stifling them rather than simply looking after them

I Was Over Compensating

When I look at the above list, I know for a fact that I over-protected my kids because I was over-compensating. Twelve years ago, I became a single mum to a 4 and 6-year-old.  My immediate reaction was to wrap them up in cotton wool, which I duly did. I wanted them to feel safe and happy, and I decided that moving to a new country, changing schools and losing a full-time parent at home was all too much. So, I over-compensated, and I hovered like one of those helicopters. I did absolutely everything I could for them with the honest belief that I was being a brilliant parent. As time passed and life became more manageable, I did calm down and reverted to my previous style of parenting.  A style that is not bound up in anxiety, fear and the need to make everything perfect.

The Consequences

Life is not perfect, and kids need to experience that. The moral of the story – even if we do get it wrong, we can change course, and all will usually be well. However, if we don’t recognise that we are hovering too much and continually over-protect or over-control (even if our intentions are good and stem from love and the natural nurturing instinct), the consequences of over-stifling our children can be:

  • Decreased self-esteem and confidence
  • Low-level life skills
  • Higher anxiety which can lead to mental health issues
  • Inability to cope with life’s disappointments and rejections
  • Increased level of self-entitlement

No One Said Its Easy To Let Go

These adverse outcomes often manifest in the teenage years.  Typically when life for our children is already chaotic due to roller-coaster hormones, school and exam pressures.  A period when the difficult journey of transitioning from a child into an adult also occurs. If our over-parenting is derived from anxiety or fear, then it might be worth seeking help for ourselves so that life becomes more positive and assured.

It’s not easy to let go.  But it is easier than living with a 17-year-old who lacks confidenceand feels that the world owes him a living.

The next time your kid forgets her homework, let her take the rap. The short-term pain will be worth it in the end.  At the very least, it will save you having to drive back to school a hundred times or more, because it’s unlikely that she will forget it again!

C-Section from a Father’s Perspective

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 1, 2019
3 minutes

C-Section from a Father’s Perspective

It is believed one in four babies in the UK are delivered by caesarean section, according to reports. But what is a c-section and what is it like from the father’s perspective when he sees his partner on the operating table right in front of his eyes? What can he expect? What are the after effects? And how can he support his partner before, during and after this major operation?

Mother’s Have a Tough Ride And Its Not Easy From A Father’s Perspective Either

When it comes to pregnancy, mothers have a tough ride – even more so when they are faced with having a major operation such as a caesarean section, or c-section.

A mother who experiences a c-section will not be taking the ‘easy way out’ from a natural birth. It is not an easy ride, take it from my perspective – a father who has seen his wife in theatre on two separate occasions to enable our two daughter’s a safe arrival into this life.

Our two girl’s both entered this world in a stressful and abrupt manor by way of a caesarean section. One was planned and one was a category 2 emergency. Both were very different experiences for us as parents to deal with.

A Planned vs Emergency C-section Are Two Very Different Scenarios

Our first was a planned c-section due to the baby being in a breech position. This is deemed the safest method of delivery under these circumstances. Having never spent any real time in a hospital environment I (and my wife), didn’t truly know what to expect. We were given an arrival slot to arrive within and were shown to a ward where she would be cared for. For us, we were the first operation of the day. I won’t bore or gore you with all the details, but the operating theatre is so quiet it almost feels dream-like. I sat beside my wife — who was clearly apprehensive, and within a matter of minutes, our fully-grown baby arrived safely in the grasp of the magicians on the operating table.

With our second, we were hoping for a natural birth, but due to having previously had a c-section, my partner was deemed high risk. A natural birth was still possible, but more monitoring was required. She became overdue and was induced. Still nothing. She was in labour for around 4 hours, but the baby’s heart rate dropped significantly, and the alarms were raised.

It Was Terrifying And I Was Paralysed With Fear

The following few minutes were the most terrified I had ever been in my life. I froze. Paralysed with fear whilst they figured out what was the best course of action. An emergency was declared, and preparations were made to whisk my wife and daughter into theatre. I was also allowed in.

Having been present for the first c-section I knew what to expect, but that was planned.  And from my perspective, both my wife and I were alot more relaxed. This was an emergency however. I could barely speak.  All I could offer was a hand to my wife. She was also petrified. Once again, the team of professionals delivered the baby safely.

A C-Section Requires A Father To Step Up

On both occasions I was given the honour of seeing our daughter first from above the protective screen. In a selfish kind of way, it was amazing to have seen them both first.

The baby is encouraged to have a skin-to-skin cuddle with the mother and you sit beside them a tad emotional at suddenly becoming responsible for a human. Things are a little blurry. In a good way.

Once the initial joy of meeting your daughter sinks in, it’s time to step up as a father because the mother is in too much pain and discomfort. Expect your partner to be extremely sleepy and in a lot of pain for the following few hours, days and weeks.

Post-Op And Emotions Running High

After both operations my wife was unable to do every-day baby-related things for around 3 weeks. Bonding was tough because she was unable to pick her up. She could not change a nappy due to the pain. This made her feel incredibly guilty and upset at not being able to. Expect to provide your partner with intense emotional support as well as well as the physical support. Expect to do absolutely everything for your baby, your partner and the house until she is back on her feet and you can begin working as a team.

Both caesarean experiences for my wife and myself were not something we both recommend. A c-section from a father’s and mother’s perspective can be seen as a birth is quick and direct. You see your baby pop-up from nowhere amongst the team of surgeons; it’s the after-effects which grab hold of the mother. The pain, the trapped wind, the peppermint capsules, mint tea, strong pain relief, inability to walk, to breathe, to sleep – utterly horrendous. She felt useless, from a husband/partner and father’s perspective you can also feel helpless.

But you do not complain because you are now a father and the rest of your life has just begun.