Category: Fatherhood

Adoption & Parenthood

Posted on by softwarepartner
January 26, 2021
4 minutes

Adoption & Parenthood

Hello Huddl community!

We are Andi and Darren, a same sex parent family via route of adoption.  We are so happy to be working with Huddl to share our story directly to parents from all walks of life.  

Parents who may be considering the adoption route to extend their family, those who are interested in hearing an alternative route to parenthood to their ‘birth route, or adopters/ fosters carers who are looking for support and to make links with other adoptive families.  We are also hoping to ‘myth bust’ some of the untruths about adopting.  Whatever your reason for choosing to read our blog, you are most welcome!

We are happy to support people going through the process by answering any questions that you may have, no topic is off limits.  Honesty is always the best policy in our book.

To begin, we are going to provide you with an overview of our journey thus far, written by Andi.  We hope you enjoy our story.

Darren and I had been married for three years when we felt it was the right time to start a family. We had different options available to us but as we both work in schools and I had previously worked within children’s social care, we were aware of the increasing number of children in the care system and we felt we were able to offer a child a stable loving family,  so we chose to adopt.

Our daughter Lucy, was only a few months old when we found out that we were a perfect match for her.  Although the profile we were sent was only a few lines long due to her young age, we felt there was something special about her. Lucy was in the care of foster carers who were amazing while we were introduced to her, letting us take a lead in caring for her in their home, under their supervision and guidance. This was really helpful in getting to know her routines/ likes and dislikes and preparing us for parenthood.   

Unfortunately there was a hold up which meant there was a six week delay in Lucy moving to us, therefore our Social Worker, Foster Carer and Local Authority Senior Management agreed that it was in the best interest of Lucy to get to spend as much time with us as possible during this time. This included opportunities to bring Lucy to our home and get her used to her new surroundings and introduce her to our cat Mollie, which actually worked well as they got used to each other very quickly…and are now best mates!

Although we both have experience of working with children in a professional capacity and baby sitting for friends with young children, the responsibility and realisation of having your own child to care for was a very steep learning curve. During our adoption training sessions much of the material is around dealing with trauma and potential issues that may affect the child, often slightly older children, such as past neglect, and not so much about caring for a baby.  Fortunately, we pulled on experiences of friends with young children and the foster carers were a fountain of knowledge and also continue to be a great source of support. We were extremely blessed with such wonderful carers to learn from.  

When an adopted child moves in with you, social care recommend that families go into a ‘mini lockdown’ so that attachments start to form between you and the child/ren and that they feel safe and secure in their new home.  As Lucy had spent such a long time with us prior to her moving in with us, attachments came very quick and we felt a bond very early on.  For the first few weeks of Lucy living with us, we only introduced her to very immediate family and close friends who would be on our ‘on call list’ should we need emergency childcare. Once the initial settling in period had been completed and she was no longer considered to be under fostering arrangements, we were then able to widen our support network and ask other friends and family to support.

Life for us is very different as parents but in such a positive way. It has been so rewarding watching her develop and grow into a lovely little girl. She was welcomed into both sides of the family instantly and is totally adored.  She has brought out the best in so many of our family members and friends and nobody has treated her any differently to other children in the family.

Since adopting we have had many opportunities to help other people either going through the adoption process or who are considering adoption as an option, by speaking at events, training sessions and even some media campaigns.  We have found it very rewarding being able to provide some peer support which we know first hand how invaluable advice, support, guidance and friendship can be.  We have also now started an Instagram page which is growing quite quickly come and find us and say hello ‘dadda_n_daddy’. 

The advice we would give to potential adopters is be realistic in terms of what needs you can and cannot meet of a child. It is so important to be 100% open and honest with your social worker and family finders.   We are now going through the process again to adopt a second child and we are even more aware of our limitations as we have Lucy to take into account this time. Therefore that match needs to be absolutely perfect for all of us.

Prospective adopters need to have a solid support network of people who can help out when needed.  Meeting up and/or making contact with other adopters is a must, we have made some great life long friends through adoption and it is heart warming watching our children play together.

Most of all, make sure you are in a position in your life where you are able to give 100% of your time to the adoption process. 

The process can be emotional, intrusive, and at times frustrating but once you have been matched with your child and they are home with you, you will realise it is the best thing you have ever done!

For further information on adoption email your anonymous questions to hello@bablbox.com and Andi & Darren will offer the support and answers to your questions in our monthly BablMag.

Andi & Darren, www.instagram.com/dadda_n_daddy

Relationship pressure from a dads viewpoint

Posted on by softwarepartner
February 12, 2020
3 minutes

Relationship pressure from a dads viewpoint

The factors that cause relationship pressure from a dads point of view and how couples need to ensure that they are communicating

Once you embark on the roller coaster of being a parent your relationship with your partner is suddenly redefined. As mums, we often discuss the stresses and strains on our relationship with friends. But we are not the only ones in this partnership. Relationship pressure from a dad’s view is something that we do not talk about so much. Unfortunately, dads can sometimes be very much the forgotten side of the partnership! Yet in a recent study by the National Childbirth Trust, they discovered that 39% of dads suffered from postnatal depression, that’s 1 in 3.

Relationship Pressure

So at a time when mental health is very much in the news why do so many men choose to keep quiet? Included in this would be my partner. He never talks about the pressure on our relationship that having a family has caused. The dads that I spoke to had very similar concerns and worries.

Worries and concerns

One of the biggest pressures that the dads all felt was the concern that they had for their partners. When we as women should be leaning on our men for support, we are actually pushing them away. This, in turn, is causing them to worry about the pressure that we are putting on ourselves to be perfect. What the dads wanted was to be able to take some of the burden off of our shoulders. Unfortunately, our own idealised perception that we have to do it all perfectly and alone is one of the key factors causing relationship pressure for our men!

Lack of control and relationship pressure

The sudden lack of control that dads feel they have over their own lives is another primary cause of relationship pressure. Children make life unpredictable, we all know this. Plans often shelved at a moment’s notice. Men seem to find this particularly hard to deal with. Often it’s their partners that feel the brunt of this loss of control over their lives. Men crave the control to come and go as they please at a moment’s notice. But now there is childcare to arrange or the packing of stuff to take with you on an outing.

Couple time

Before you were a family you probably took for granted the time you spent together as a couple. I know I did! Now even grabbing a simple coffee together takes more forward planning than invading a small country! This puts tremendous pressure on not only dads but mothers too. For the first few months, your relationship really does take a backseat while you try to survive. But once you have settled into some sort of routine, there needs to be time to be a couple. Not only will this strengthen your relationship with your partner but it will also ensure that you are both the best possible parents that you can be

Financial Stress

Even in the 21st century many of the dads I spoke to still felt the pressure to provide for their family. Households are run on the basis of having two incomes and both partners working. The sudden drop in income when one partner stays at home with the children seems to cause men huge relationship pressure. Even at a time when women have broken into almost every male-dominated area and earn good pay, our dads still felt that they had to take on the burden of providing for the whole family alone. They are suddenly thrown back to the 1950s when that is what life was like.

The same

After talking to some wonderful and devoted fathers, it appears to me that both mums and dads have the same worries. We have the same concerns about our changing relationship after having a family. We are scared of losing the partner that we fell in love with long before there was the tiny pitter-patter of feet.

I believe relationship pressure is caused by our need to be perfect and to have a perfect life! The constant bombardment of images on social media of the perfect home, relationship, and family are all we see. Yet what we forget is that these are tiny snippets of these lives. What we need to remind ourselves of each time we look at these images is that the truth is nobody’s life is that perfect!!!

Parent Guilt Is Something Dads Feel Too

Posted on by softwarepartner
September 6, 2019
3 minutes

Parent Guilt Is Something Dads Feel Too

Feeling bad about not being at home with your kids during the working week? We have 4 tips for Dads in alleviating that dreaded parent guilt.

Whether you work irregular shifts consisting of early starts or night work; or commute long distances to work, you will probably find yourself suffering with parental guilt. Namely – frustrated you are not at home with your family as much as you wish.

Your partner may send you updates on how the evening routine has gone; they may send you cute pics of the kids in their pyjamas. You may even sneak in some Facetime to speak and see one another. But you are stuck at work, or you are still over one hour away from getting through the door. Your train is also delayed. Up steps parent guilt. You don’t let on to your partner or the kids, but deep inside you feel bad about not being physically able to read them a bedtime story.

Book A Day Off During The Week

The next day you arrive for work, ensure the first thing you do before you check the emails or grab a coffee is to book a day off during the week. It is annual leave after all. You may see this as a waste of a day, but you will be surprised at how good it feels to break up your working week by spending it with your child/ren.  Use it to spend the day at home playing games and making a mess; you could go to the beach; have a picnic in the garden; you could do the school runs you wish you did. The day is your oyster.

Yes, your kid may have childcare arrangements in place at a nursery, childminder or grandparents, but you are the parent, you can do as you wish if it means your priceless bonding with you children improves.

Request Simple Flexible Working Alterations

If your commute is so long and frustrating at times, maybe think about requesting an opportunity to work from home a couple of times per week. Or have a chat to see whether you could start or finish early/later. Employers have a legal duty to listen to these requests and must come up with very good business reasons to deny them. Slightly tweaking your working hours and conditions, can free you up to walk your child to school or to pick them from nursery at lunchtime. It can provide you with simple opportunities to do normal, every-day parenting thing which some take for granted.

Use Shift Working To Your Advantage

Working anti-social hours will mean you are off when your own friends and family members are at work. But your mornings off or your weekly Wednesday off may mean you can be daddy for the day. You and your child all day. And no-one is going to get in the way. Not even tiredness. Truly make the most of these times you have with them. Yes, your body clock may be shot to pieces, you are lethargic and can’t really make the effort in doing much. But these are the days which will swim by in the blink of an eye. Make this the time you put 100% effort in; lots of energy; plans and above all else, lots of laughter.

Take Your Child To Work

More and more employers are holding events where you can bring your children to work with you for the day. Why not take them up on this and bring your own? Make sure to ask them if they are aware of a pioneering initiative that Employees Matter has been rolling out across coporate Britain since 2013 called ‘bring your child to work day’.  If you commute on a train and endure lonely, stressful journeys, what better way to cheer you up than having your child with you to experience it with you. When you are having a tough day or commute, you can fondly remember the moment your son or daughter joined you on the trip and made you smile. And they can get a sense of where you go every day.

Give them a Kiss Goodnight

Even if you are late home or it is midnight, never feel afraid to pop in to your child’s room to tuck them in and peck them on the cheek to wish them a good night… Even if they are busy dreaming about dinosaurs or breakfast… These type of small gestures help immensely when you feel that parent guilt strike.

Stay At Home Dads: How To Become Less Isolated

Posted on by softwarepartner
August 19, 2019
3 minutes

Stay At Home Dads: How To Become Less Isolated

Being a stay at home dad can be a lonely place. You may not interact with another adult all day – how can you begin to alleviate isolation?

Bonds Are Formed

Being at home and present for your children is hugely beneficial for both parent and child. For the children it increases their bond with their main caregiver; it gives them a sense of security, routine and familiarity to be able to flourish. For the parent it also aids in their bonding and re-enforces the importance of the responsibility you have in raising a child. After-all, the first few years of a child’s life can shape their future. It is where brain connections are formed, secure relationships are created, and their personality evolves.

Where Are All The Other Stay At Home Dads?

But being a stay at home dad can be a lonely place at times. Especially for a dad, as there are far fewer of them around. Most organised get-togethers and parent groups are attended predominantly by females. A dad can often feel out of place by this and may not even bother trying them out. And isolation can therefore increase.

Its Probably In Your Head, So Give It A Go

Female dominant groups should not be a threat as we are all parents. But there may be an underlying feeling amongst dad’s that these groups are a space for mums. And any dad who attends may be perceived by him as a token or a surprise. In my experience, this is not true. Yes, baby groups are very female orientated and clear cliques are formed amongst groups, but I never felt I was being watched or judged as a dad attending these fun-filled sessions with my daughter. You need to be brave and take the plunge in giving them a go.

Some Options For Stay At Home Dads

Getting involved in your community
This depends on your personality, but if you are an outgoing type of person, you may wish to get involved with your local church. Activities and events include breakfast mornings with your kids, fun-days and family events such as Messy Church – where families are welcome to attend church…to get messy! Give your local sing-a-long group a go. Once you get over the initial embarrassment of singing, ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ amongst strangers, you may be surprised at how much you (and your baby of course) enjoy it. You get out what you put in. If you don’t make the effort with other parents when attending, they will more than likely ignore you also. It is all about being confident in yourself and making that first move. Baby and toddler groups are not everyone’s cup of tea, granted, and some are soulless, but with the correct research you may be able to find the right one to suit you. (and your child).
Children and Family Centre
Find your local centre to research what they can offer you as a stay at home dad. All offer something uniquely different – if it is just a simple space to be amongst adults chatting and watching their kids play freely, then try it out. All it takes is to strike up one conversation and your isolation may begin to diminish.  Who knows you may find other lonely dads in the same position as yourself. Sensory rooms are a fantastic alternative. These are usually hired out for the hour with other parents and can be a great place for your child to be introduced to their senses. All the while you are surrounded by like-minded parents.
Friends who are dads
Being a stay at home dad, you will have quickly realised that you will be few and far between – especially within your own network of friends. Do any of your current dad friends work shifts — meaning they are potentially available with their children during the week? Give them a call and meet up.
Meet your partner at work for lunch
Having a breadwinner and a stay at home parent can inevitably cause some tension in your own relationship. You may be passing ships in the night or may simply not have as many meaningful moments together as you once did. If your partner works reasonably close to your home, arrange to meet during their lunch break. Not only will it put a smile on you and your kid’s face, but it may make your partners day. Before you know it, other partners are doing the same and you have a regular meet-up at lunch times!
Research and join a dad network group
Sometimes stay at home dads just want to be around other dads to talk about man stuff. More and more groups are out there which aim to bring lonely dad’s together. Even if it is just initially online network building, this can lead on to organised meetups. These can be times when you can all chat and discuss the trials and tribulations of fatherhood; perhaps let off a little steam, or maybe just somewhere you can be to make new friends.

Fatherhood – 4 lighthearted changes when becoming a father

Posted on by softwarepartner
August 5, 2019
3 minutes

Fatherhood – 4 lighthearted changes when becoming a father

Fatherhood Aha. Where do we begin with this little life-changer, eh? Is your first baby arriving imminently, and you are feeling a tad apprehensive about becoming a father?

So, your first child is approaching faster than your brain can process, correct? Are you sweating a little? Anxious at the thought of suddenly becoming responsible for a helpless, tiny version of yourself? Don’t fret. You will be fine. I promise.

Well, firstly you will be correct in feeling these things. This is perfectly normal. Remember fatherhood, this is a life changing event and one of which is your prime responsibility. Kind of like the responsibility you had as a kid when you were left in charge of the pet rabbit whilst your mum popped to the shops for milk.

Sleep Is A Thing Of The Past

If this is important to you, please book yourself on to a retreat and sleep for the three months leading up to the birth. Non-stop. Please don’t, your unborn baby and partner will need you.

“But I love my sleep”. I hear you say. Let’s begin with the bad news. Unfortunately, sleep is the one single thing I can promise you to say goodbye to after you become a father. I can’t sit here and tell you that you will sleep eight hours per night, in a blissful scented utopia of your bedroom, without disruption. Nope. It is not going to happen I’m afraid. As soon as your baby enters the world, its own internal body clock will be all over the place. It needs to re-adjust to life outside the womb. So, expect the first few nights of fatherhood to be a complete washout for you and your partner as you try and align the baby’s sleeping pattern with your own. Once this has been established, the baby will still disrupt your sleep as they will need feeding through the night. In Layman’s terms. YOU. WILL. NOT. SLEEP. MUCH.

Fatherhood Changes Your Sense Of Smell

This is a real eye opener. Or nose opener. Depending on which way you look at it I suppose. There will be a time during early fatherhood where you are greeted with your first soiled nappy to deal with. When you do, your nose (and eyes) will undergo a sudden biological transformation. You will have been introduced to sights and smells you thought only existed in hell. Trust me. These soiled nappies can end entire civilizations.

The Social Life Of A Father

Yes, this will take a hit. It is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean you can never spend any time with friends or family ever again. Just not immediately after the birth. Once things have calmed down, you will be both deserving of a little break to catch your breath. Just don’t expect to be in a Las Vegas casino with your mates for a wee while yet.

Wearing The Same Socks Twice

If you are a male who takes pride in their appearance, this could cause you to hyper-ventilate a little. There will be a lot of washing. I mean lots. But you may find there isn’t enough room in the washing machine for your pants and socks just yet. You may have to wear them again I’m afraid. But don’t worry, your baby’s nappy needs changing again, so you better focus on that for now.

Yes, fatherhood changes things. In-fact your whole life is about to change. But as overwhelming as it may seem, think of it as your life as evolving. You are entering your next chapter becoming a father. It could be the best yet! And you may decide you want a second one.

Travelling with Kids – How To Make the Most of Airports

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 26, 2019
3 minutes

Travelling with Kids – How To Make the Most of Airports

You are excited about travelling, but a tad nervous because you have never flown with kids before. Take a deep breath and go with the flow.

Summer holidays have arrived. The sun is shining, the kids have 6 weeks off school. Life-long memories are to be had as you are about to embark for your first family holiday abroad.

Excitement from parents and the kids inevitably builds – but so can a sense of anxiety at the thought of going through an often-overwhelming environment such as an airport when you are travelling with kids.

For a stress-free airport experience (not 100% stress-free because kids are kids), good organisation is key.

Bag Planning Is Vital When Travelling With Kids

If you are staying overnight in a hotel airport, it is worth researching whether you can check your bags in the night before. This will free up some valuable hands and conserve energy. For hand luggage, it is wise to distribute every-day items in to separate bags incase one is lost. Due to security restrictions in place, you are only permitted to pack enough baby-milk for the journey, the remainder needs to go in the hold luggage.

If you are arriving at the airport on the day, save time by taking advantage of valet parking. This will take away the stresses of navigating through an often very confusing airport-car park.

Using Family Areas When Travelling With Kids

Gatwick Airport is the UK’s first accredited family-friendly airport. The aim is to make the experience for family’s travelling with kids as easy and fun as possible. Dedicated family lanes are in place here where there is more room for pushchairs and less queuing (hopefully).

Most UK airports have Kids zones to allow your little ones to do what they do best – play. These are free of charge and can provide you with a little respite on your airport journey.

Most UK airports are packed to the rim with restaurants and food outlets. Navigating around these with kids and pushchairs during busy times can be a pain, but once you find a suitable place to eat, it can be a great moment to discuss the holiday with the kids and to get their feelings on how excited they are.

Kids Will Still Be Kids, Even When You Are Travelling

Kids are unpredictable, particularly when you are travelling with them. Understatement of the year, there. With this in mind, think about packing a ‘bag of surprises’ for when you are presented with potentially challenging situations. The contents can offer a chance to diffuse the situation and for everyone to calm down. Stressed parents can often mean stressed out kids.

Time To Depart

If you are taking a pushchair while travelling with the kids, you can keep hold of this right up to your departing gate, where a member of staff will place it in the hold of the aircraft. You can request this directly after leaving the plane upon arrival, or it can be collected along with all the other hold luggage at the arrival belts.

Families with young children are often boarded on to the plane first. But this is not always a good idea in practice. Being cooped up in a plane longer than necessary may fill you with dread, so if it suits you to hold back until last, go for it. There’s no law here.

Emergency bag. Pack a few extra sets of clothes and nappies for the kids in case the worst happens, and your hold luggage is lost or stolen.

And off you go, enjoy your holiday travelling with the kids!

If you enjoyed this article, please read our kids travel article from a mum’s perspective: Essential Tips for Travelling with Kids.

Shared Parental Leave – Adjusting To Fatherhood Takes Time

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 12, 2019
3 minutes

Shared Parental Leave – Adjusting To Fatherhood Takes Time

It was a relief to see the UK government acknowledging the importance of fathers in a new-born’s life by introducing Shared Parental Leave in 2015

Two Weeks Is Not Enough

Two weeks. That was all I had with my first born. Two weeks. Then back to work I went, as if nothing had ever happened.

But things did happen. I was a father for the first time. Like my wife, I had to adjust to becoming a parent.  The abrupt change to sleep patterns; the intense focus on the baby; feeding; changing; cradling; comforting and everything in-between – including a merry-go-round of emotions. And yet at the time I was only entitled to two weeks paternity leave. No time at all, considering half of this time was spent at the hospital.

My wife was recovering from a caesarean section and I was faced with leaving our house for work. How could I? We as a family were not ready for one of us to head back to work.

For me there was no extra entitled paid leave on offer, nor was the recently introduced Shared Parental Leave scheme; so off I trudged. Parent guilt begun.

Six Months Off For Shared Parent Leave – Really?

For our second, I wanted longer with my baby, so I decided to use an extra two weeks of my annual holiday entitlement – a holiday it most surely wasn’t. But it was two weeks which was required in order to bond with my baby and support my wife in her second c-section recovery.

I had one month off. Which helped us as a family unit tremendously. But what about having up to six months off? Shared Parental Leave was introduced in April 2015 by the UK government to encourage a more gender equal view on parenting in the workplace. Too often new mums have been forced to choose between baby or career and fathers expected to return to work as soon as possible. It can only be a positive thing by creating a society where mothers and fathers are viewed as equal in the upbringing of their children and in the workplace arena.

Every family has a unique set of circumstances, so this idea would’ve provided my family with an option to support one another more effectively during those early months. Unfortunately, I missed out on this initiative by a few years.

Sad To See A Low % Of New Fathers Taking It Up

Sadly only 2% of fathers are taking up this relatively new Shared Parental Leave scheme. But why? Reports suggest it is simply un-affordable. Both parents are eligible to share up to 50 weeks of parental leave – 37 weeks are paid at £139.58 per week or 90% of your average weekly earnings, whichever is lower. Is it any wonder such a low % is taking this up?

Another reason is the simple fact that employers are not promoting the scheme to new fathers as well as they should. And instead fathers are just assuming that the traditional two weeks is all they are entitled to. And baby’s and families are missing out on priceless time together. There is clearly room for improvement for the scheme to evolve further; only time will tell whether more fathers will take this up.

Every father has a different outlook on fatherhood, but for me personally it was vital to be physically and emotionally present during those first few weeks and months. I wanted to bond, help my wife in her recovery,change those nappy’s and see her first smile.

My employers at the time respected this and accepted a flexible working request from myself. This meant my hours were altered to allow me to be at home with my family more.

My advice to new fathers is to speak with your HR department well in advance of the due-date to discuss your options as a father. You may be surprised at what is on offer, particularly in light of this new Shared Parental scheme being introduced by the government.

C-Section from a Father’s Perspective

Posted on by softwarepartner
July 1, 2019
3 minutes

C-Section from a Father’s Perspective

It is believed one in four babies in the UK are delivered by caesarean section, according to reports. But what is a c-section and what is it like from the father’s perspective when he sees his partner on the operating table right in front of his eyes? What can he expect? What are the after effects? And how can he support his partner before, during and after this major operation?

Mother’s Have a Tough Ride And Its Not Easy From A Father’s Perspective Either

When it comes to pregnancy, mothers have a tough ride – even more so when they are faced with having a major operation such as a caesarean section, or c-section.

A mother who experiences a c-section will not be taking the ‘easy way out’ from a natural birth. It is not an easy ride, take it from my perspective – a father who has seen his wife in theatre on two separate occasions to enable our two daughter’s a safe arrival into this life.

Our two girl’s both entered this world in a stressful and abrupt manor by way of a caesarean section. One was planned and one was a category 2 emergency. Both were very different experiences for us as parents to deal with.

A Planned vs Emergency C-section Are Two Very Different Scenarios

Our first was a planned c-section due to the baby being in a breech position. This is deemed the safest method of delivery under these circumstances. Having never spent any real time in a hospital environment I (and my wife), didn’t truly know what to expect. We were given an arrival slot to arrive within and were shown to a ward where she would be cared for. For us, we were the first operation of the day. I won’t bore or gore you with all the details, but the operating theatre is so quiet it almost feels dream-like. I sat beside my wife — who was clearly apprehensive, and within a matter of minutes, our fully-grown baby arrived safely in the grasp of the magicians on the operating table.

With our second, we were hoping for a natural birth, but due to having previously had a c-section, my partner was deemed high risk. A natural birth was still possible, but more monitoring was required. She became overdue and was induced. Still nothing. She was in labour for around 4 hours, but the baby’s heart rate dropped significantly, and the alarms were raised.

It Was Terrifying And I Was Paralysed With Fear

The following few minutes were the most terrified I had ever been in my life. I froze. Paralysed with fear whilst they figured out what was the best course of action. An emergency was declared, and preparations were made to whisk my wife and daughter into theatre. I was also allowed in.

Having been present for the first c-section I knew what to expect, but that was planned.  And from my perspective, both my wife and I were alot more relaxed. This was an emergency however. I could barely speak.  All I could offer was a hand to my wife. She was also petrified. Once again, the team of professionals delivered the baby safely.

A C-Section Requires A Father To Step Up

On both occasions I was given the honour of seeing our daughter first from above the protective screen. In a selfish kind of way, it was amazing to have seen them both first.

The baby is encouraged to have a skin-to-skin cuddle with the mother and you sit beside them a tad emotional at suddenly becoming responsible for a human. Things are a little blurry. In a good way.

Once the initial joy of meeting your daughter sinks in, it’s time to step up as a father because the mother is in too much pain and discomfort. Expect your partner to be extremely sleepy and in a lot of pain for the following few hours, days and weeks.

Post-Op And Emotions Running High

After both operations my wife was unable to do every-day baby-related things for around 3 weeks. Bonding was tough because she was unable to pick her up. She could not change a nappy due to the pain. This made her feel incredibly guilty and upset at not being able to. Expect to provide your partner with intense emotional support as well as well as the physical support. Expect to do absolutely everything for your baby, your partner and the house until she is back on her feet and you can begin working as a team.

Both caesarean experiences for my wife and myself were not something we both recommend. A c-section from a father’s and mother’s perspective can be seen as a birth is quick and direct. You see your baby pop-up from nowhere amongst the team of surgeons; it’s the after-effects which grab hold of the mother. The pain, the trapped wind, the peppermint capsules, mint tea, strong pain relief, inability to walk, to breathe, to sleep – utterly horrendous. She felt useless, from a husband/partner and father’s perspective you can also feel helpless.

But you do not complain because you are now a father and the rest of your life has just begun.